Reflections

Not the looking-in-the-mirror kind, mind you. I'm speaking of the soul-searching kind.

Last night I went out with one of my best friends from high school. Jen and I met at a speech tournament when we were in junior high, but didn't become close until we joined the drill team in 9th grade (or was it 10th?). Anyway, we've always had so much to talk about - nothing overly cerebral; primarily dishing about who we've kept in touch with since high school - and last night was no exception. Except that this time there was a tinge of melancholy in our conversation ... an air of "have I done enough with my life?" and "am I really happy?"

Naturally, we all have these feelings from time to time. And we all reminisce about what could have been. Or should have been. Or, thank God, wasn't. As we strolled through the Marketplace, Jen and I often enjoyed a comfortable silence. Every now and then, we'd look into a shop window and ooh and aah about the luxurious furniture or beautiful clothing inside, but for the most part we just ambled around the park, our thoughts running hither and yon.

Things have changed over the past few years. I don't know if it's because we're both more mature now, but something is different. Initially, I thought it was because we're at different places in our lives, but I honestly don't think that's it. We're both married with children (although hers at four and almost two are considerably younger than my brood; thus our daily child-rearing experiences are very different), we're both going to college (another delayed regret on both our parts), and we both have very similar value systems. Plus, we truly like each other.

I don't know. In a way, I cherish this new chapter in our relationship. The chattiness we've always enjoyed has been replaced (albeit temporarily, I'm sure) with the feeling of it's-enough-to-know-you're-there. At least, that's how *I* feel. I hope she feels the same way....

Eventually the children will grow up, and Jen and I will grow old. I look forward to the day when we can while away an afternoon together and pretend to feel the freedom of youth once again. We can do that, can't we?

Angel love to you always, Jen.