(My husband will not know what to do with this post.)
For the past five years, I've been aching to move back to my hometown. I got my wish back in June. Now I'm ready to go.
I'm not sure exactly what it is that is bothering me. It's as if I built this impossible utopia in my mind, wherein we'd move to Houston and we would fall back into old enjoyable routines with all our old friends. Every Friday night would be Phase 10 with G & S ... which, by the way, has happened one time in the past four months, and even then I know it was stressful for them because they have a very active toddler now that they did not have when we lived here before.
I also thought I'd spend a lot of time with other friends, whom I did not get to visit with much when my children were younger. For some reason, that has not happened, either, except for one enjoyable and enlightening evening with Jen. Hubby thinks I should call my old friends more often, but frankly I get tired of being the one doing all the calling.
I am starting to think that spending the past five years in Podunk, Texas, turned me into a hermit. I made exactly three friends while we lived there, although to be honest, only one of them would I consider a "friend-friend"; someone I could call on the phone and talk to about anything. The other friend did my hair and her son played soccer with mine; the third moved away less than a year after I met her. So there you go. Hermitville.
Maybe I became comfortable with being a hermit. Maybe it's just that I enjoy my husband and kids more than I enjoy anyone else. Maybe I'm just more comfortable around them, and don't want to make an effort with other people. Maybe I'm completely crazy and don't know what I'm missing. Maybe it's a combination of all those things.
Lately I've just become disillusioned with life in general. I feel like my husband is falling into a depression, and that makes me feel very sad - and guilty. After all, we're only here because of me. I know that. He never wanted to come back.
What was I thinking?
I'm ready to throw in the towel. Nothing is as it was, or as I had hoped it would be. The practical side of me knows that this is stupid - we'd never be able to sell the house quickly and get our money back out of it, and the kids would be royally ticked that we switched their schools again.
In my heart, I know that I'm probably just reacting to recent events, and that things will look up. But at the moment, I would give anything to load up the car and just drive far away from here.
Seattle sounds good.
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5 comments:
I think I updated my post before you commented on it. Read again. I may be whacked ... which would explain a lot.
And no, it's not always so bad here. It's me and my fickle mind. Bleh.
It's hard to move when you are a grown up. :( I'm finally coming out of my shell and it's been 8 YEARS! I have wasted a buttload of time...I hope that things take a turn for the better for you Trace.
I think that it's natural to look back with fondness, and think we can get that back again. We forget that situations change, just like we do. People who were carefree now have kids to deal with, a favorite resaurant has closed, etc.
And I know what you mean about enjoying being with your family. It's comfortable, you have a good time, and it is easier than always being the one to put forth the effort to get together with others.
The thing is, moving to a new place wouldn't fix the issues you have in Houston; you'd still be starting over in a new place.
(got your email!)
Seattle *is* good! You have at least one built-in friend if you moved here.
(((Tracey)))
Sometimes life just sucks.
Move to Seattle. I'll talk dh into moving there too....we can hang with Pez;-)
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